theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
