a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
