I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize