He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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