I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
