Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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