She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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