She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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