So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
