I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
