OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i dont even know how to be here
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
