considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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