You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
