it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I need a hoe opinion
go on
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
