i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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