I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
