Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
