Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize