That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
