Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
