This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
