He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize