you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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