Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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