i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
