I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
