y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
