Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
