she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I am one with the molecules
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
