perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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