Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
