And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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