i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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