capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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