I wish my penis had an off switch
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
