Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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