Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
