Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
