Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Randomize
