Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
