I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she told me i tasted like america
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Randomize
