living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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