you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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