you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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