She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
