I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
