Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize