In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize