I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
