I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
