is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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