Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
