I wanna passion pit in your ass
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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