Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
