Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
