I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
