Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
