Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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