Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize