i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize