...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Randomize
