I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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